Still wanna be like my dad

Life is full of change, and even at the start of a new year, questions loom at what it will bring. What goals will be attained? What prayers will be answered, or more fearfully won’t be answered? What will the greatest joy, or even the deepest hurt?

As this year starts, one hope remains that I have kept for a long time. I still want to be more like my dad. Anyone who knows him would not be surprised by this statement. His brokenness for the lost and hunger for the Word are clearly evident. Yet the area in which my dad most succeeds, the one I lack the most, is  the passion and trust in prayer he has every day. I may pray, but I don’t have the confidence he does.

That idea of confidence or even boldness has somewhat haunted me as I have started ministry. Naturally I shy away from being bold because I do want to possibly upset or disappoint someone. Yet even as I have had the privilege to be in seminary classes these past four months, I see my selfish heart more clearly. I care too much what people think of me because I attempt to find my worth in their opinion, not God’s. And the reason I “lack confidence” is not because I am more reserved or meek. Just the opposite is true; I have far too much pride. My confidences is far too great in myself and not in the person and character of my Mighty Father.

My dad constantly points me to my Heavenly Father. Hope and rest can always be found in the presence of my Savior. I haven’t a clue as to what will happen throughout this next year, but I sincerely hope that at the end I can say prayer has become more precious, that I have learned to pray  more like my dad.

This journey will have its frights and scares

That is why I must not, nor even dare.

Forsake this art  where I know His care.

The life without prayer is not one I want to bear.


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